as i was walking home last night, freezing my ass off, some doubts hit me. these doubts were further compounded by the 6 degree weather i encountered this morning on my way to the streetcar stop--the romantic idea of a late october wedding might contribute to my very downfall, caused of course by extreme hypothermia. have you seen wedding dresses lately? i mean, its not like i can thrown a parka over one. the only warm-looking ones look like they beyond to the 80s, and while i'm willing to go retro, i'm not willing to go decade-i-was-alive-and-was-forced-to-wear-the-fashions kind of retro. brrrr...i feel sorry for future me.

it seems like the only thing i can talk about lately is this kind of shit. and can i tell you how sick of it all i am? and its doubled, because brock's cousin is getting married next year too, and she and her family have basically gone insane over the whole thing. gee! i can't wait until thanksgiving when we can compare notes! i mean the girl just got engaged a couple of weeks ago and is already going to dress fittings. brock and i are trying to think of ways to back out. (the plan was to just find a venue and forget about the whole thing for 5 months. these people are making it hard to forget).

and completely aside, i think i am going to go on a bean burrito diet. i'm completely obsessed over burrito boyz which is a block away from where i live, which is SO GOOD. (like, instant orgasm good). and burritos are good for you! all the basic food groups are covered! and hot sauce (which is burn your face off hot) is good for your metabolism! omg, i want to leave work right now and go get one. sooooooo goooooooooooooood. plus, they play snoop dogg while you wait. who can top snoop?

i just ordered some iPod nanos because as usual i am behind technologically with these things. one for me and one for brock. disgustingly cute, a white one and a black one, to be engraved "bride" and "groom". haha. i still can't figure out the stupid wheel thing though.

we looked at other places to get married at this weekend, closer to home and more likley to paid for by our families. i think we've settled on a resort close to peterborough, closer to our families ect. steam whistle would have been beyond cool, but at least this way we avoid spending too much on the wedding and not enough on the honeymoon. i'd rather spend two weeks touring prague, paris, and venice than one night at the steam whistle. plus this place has a chapel which could give the impression of a christian ceremony for brock's traditionalist family.

did i mention that brock's mom is a divorce lawyer?

anyways. i took some time off work. brock is in between jobs right now, starting his new one next week so we decided to do some stuff together. like put together a malm dresser from Ikea. we also went home to his cottage which is nice, and we also went to the toronto zoo where i got to see the baby tigers and giraffe. we also pulled a national lampoon with canada's wonderland, me insisting on going on monday and arriving only to find it closed. luckily we don't live that far away and had a rented car.

did you know that toronto is the fifth largest city in North America? a fact most prevalent during rush hour.

i'm not even going to tell you how my masters in political science is clearly being put to use by spending over four hours tracking down a cake-delivery service so a rep could be rewarded for doing his job. even though he already gets well paid and rewarded for doing his job.

at least i spent the other three hours developing an engineering economics and supplements for an accounting text.

and then went home and split a bag of sour cream and onion chips with brock for supper. (prediction: i will gain 30 pounds before next October 13, which is of course my wedding date. taking place, of course, at the awesome location of the steamwhistle brewery. unless my future mother in law turns into a dragon woman, which is quite possible).

this weekend we looked at venues and i am pretty set on steam whistle....we just have to book it now...

we also saw last kiss, which i have to say is a pretty bad choice for a newly engaged couple to see. it was also disapointing, in that it could have been so much better than it was if it had just adopted a different perspective (like satirical comedy). anyways, it seemed that a lot of people were looking forward to it when we went in, but a lot of people left depressed.

you do get to see rachel bilson's boobs though. she is now one of my favourite actors (boobs aside).

brock lost my keys, so it means that my fob (which is how we get into the building, gym, and patio room) is gone, as well as our only mail key and the key to our apartment. so our front door is pretty much unlocked during the day, we haven't been able to check the mail in over a week (and i just know that the enormous telus is in there). it is slightly annoying. whatever though, its not worth getting into a fuss over.

anyways, he is on a super high because he is starting a new job in a couple of weeks, and i am on a big low of realizing just how much work my new position means. like, an insane amount. for shit pay. but, oh the glory, i guess, having my name on the inside of engineering, hr management, economics and union management textbooks. in 2009.

anyways, i am hungry. and oh, we are thinking of the steam whistle brewery for the wedding/reception...anyone ever been to a party there and have any comments?

i am so over my head right now at work. having (almost) finished training me in this intensive weeklong process, i am now responsible for the development of 5 textbooks and 3 sets of supplements. and my inbox is being innundated with all these people asking questions about things i really have no idea of and email chains and blah blah blah...i come home and feel like my brain has been removed because so much effort is being given to learning all of this stuff and trying to do the best i can.

then with being engaged...i had this idea of a small wedding in a park by the water with a nice dinner and cocktails afterwards at a classy restaurant...20 people at most...but already there has been pressure for everything to get bigger and more traditional than i wanted. brock and i were like, no big deal, we've been together for over 6 years...but man, it is such a big deal. mothers cry, apparently. people at work gush. insanity.

someone got engaged last night and is now sporting a flashy new diamond ring...

the person whose cubicle i took over has been subtly gloating over the fact that i have to stay in the assy cubicle farm whereas she gets to move to the more coveted associate cubicle row... and i don't really care at all...and it is funny....because now she has to walk around in a tank top looking like a sweating pig because of the skylight in associate row and is clearly beginning to be undermined by the general tone of bitterness and female anger evident there...i am now enjoying a perfectly temperature controlled, quiet, and not directly under a flourescent light new cube.

they say life is beautiful, and i more than agree.

i need to pimp my new cube or something. it is like a barren wasteland, boxed in by seafoam green walls. really uninspiring to say the least. at least i'm not directly under a fluorescent light anymore. or in front of the watercooler. or below the loudspeaker. or behind the printer. that sucked.

my right eyeball really hurts right now. like it is throbbing. imagine if it sponteaneously exploded? wouldn't that shock my next door neighbor. and also be pretty gross. i think it started on the bus part of my commute this morning, where it was so busy i could only stare at asses or crotches. it was hard to focus.

wow. i am just amazing myself with awesomness and brilliance.

i am busy training for my new job and i am tired and it is dark out and summer is over and blah blah blah.

i am also hungry because i decided against nutrition in favour of a chocolate bar and wasn't that a bad choice in retrospect cowgirl?

i am learning about blue sheets that are not blue and green sheets that are not green and what goes into pink folders that are not pink.

jealous, are we now?